Sometimes the real world turns the spotlight on you making you wish it was your last day on earth. You want that rat hole where you can curl up into a fetal position and silently drift into the void, thinking the weightlessness and nothingness will solve your problem. It happens at that point of feeling you have no lifeline, just an anchor pulling you into the cold depths of a self-inflicted what-the-hell-happened how-did-I-get-here moment where the minute dissection of yourself is the only way out. You are your own disease and surgeon wielding the scalpel to cure.
I remember hanging with you that last night at the Parting Glass bar with Dana, Douglas, and the rest of our weirdo nation crew. You all knew that I felt anything but free living in that stinking little Podunk town. When I said this time was different, everyone laughed and decided I was just being aggressively me. Sidney said “that’s just fine”, that I’d “end up swimming in wishes or weeds.” But Caitlin, you threw down the challenge gauntlet, it was you who said I was a “messed up masterpiece chasing shadows.” This truth is not a confession, I left because of you.
I left you my ghost rather than the Hercules you deserved, and headed down towards Phoenix. Whether I’m thought a fool is irrelevant, and I won’t say I’m sorry. You know, it’s only a long way home when one exists and the distance to return isn’t limitless.
I was caught in the desert during a monsoon. I watched the tumult of the water rushing through the arroyo, rising towards me, carrying the sand in a churning mass eating away scrub, road and stone. I faced my fear. I got out of my car to dance in the rain. I set torch to my house of cards imagining the flames burning brightly as they flowed skyward to part the darkness with an orange tongue. I fanned the flames until only embers remained, kicking them into rushing waters to be swept away.
I will not give up by waiving a white flag of surrender. I have been facing west and turn to challenge the sun as it rises. Now, I’m coming at you like a supernova. I’ll strap on my boots, grab my cudgel, and bludgeon the giants that stand in my way. I am my own holy ground ready to lead my light cavalry into the darkness. I am…my own Evermore.
I have been following Caitlin and Sidney, the singing sister duo of the band Facing West, for more than a year and quite enjoy their music. Part of my enjoyment comes from supporting their efforts through Patreon, an online subscription platform for creative people. As their song catalog continues to expand I thought it would be a fun project to write a short fiction piece incorporating the titles of their original works. The hyperlinks will take you to those available in video format, many of which can be found at this YouTube channel. Other song titles that are not currently available as video are italicized. You can find the girls on many social media platforms.
There is a core group of fans that has developed organically and self-determined themselves to be the Facing West ‘Weirdo Nation’. I don’t know that everyone in the crew drinks, but I had to place them somewhere, right?
Rock on Weirdos.